Coronation
by teawithmugi
Summary: There is no sight as sad as a knight with nothing left to protect. Bereft of Marie Ange and of the duty that drove her forward, Makoto finally sees a new chance to love and to dream again - if she is brave enough to be honest with herself, and with Alice.


Even after all this time, Makoto could not feel at ease amidst such a large crowd. A thousand voices called out her name at once, so loud and dissonant that she wouldn't be able to tell what they were trying to say if she didn't already know: her name, always her name, as they did every time. Her name, cried out a thousand times, a million times, by everyone but the only person Makoto truly wanted to say her name.

But she understood, all too well, that she would never say a thing again. She was gone now. Makoto sighed without breaking her rehearsed smile, and turned back to the crowd with pen in hand, and began to sign her name on whatever her fans brought her. Sometimes she'd write a short message, but most of the time, just "Makoto Kenzaki", written in the cutest penmanship she could manage, was more than enough. By the end of the morning, her fingers hurt, exhausted by the mechanical movement of signing her own name so many times.

It was hard to keep smiling, though Makoto had plenty of practice, after doing it for so long. Despite the smile, she could not enjoy this part of her job: what she loved was to sing, to reach other people's hearts with her words and melody, but all else she found little more than a chore. The interviews, the meetings, the autographs… It was wonderful to see so many happy faces, so many people who loved her and her music, so she endured all her duties the best she could, all the while wishing that her songs alone could be enough to bring such joy to everyone.

Just as quickly as she had to enter the shopping mall, Makoto had to leave as Davi reminded her of her busy schedule for the day. Makoto apologized to the people in front of her, who had spent so long waiting to catch a glimpse of her, perhaps even say a word to their idol, and they couldn't hide their disappointment. Davi guided her to the exit, but by then the cheery, bright atmosphere had been replaced by grumbling and sadness. This was another thing Makoto despised about these duties of her as an idol: she could never have the time for everyone, and, despite her best efforts, someone was always hurt in the end.

Outside, another crowd awaited, blocking her path. Ten minutes had passed when the people had made way for her, and she was able to get past them and get into the car that awaited Davi and her. Despite her weariness, Makoto at once felt renewed when she entered and sat next to Alice, who greeted her with a smile, the way she always did: Makoto found that smile so comforting, the one constant left in her busy life now. Wherever she went to share her songs with the world, Alice followed, and so did her gentle, welcoming smile. Sometimes it was all that kept her going.

"I see you had a bit of trouble getting here," Alice said.

"Too many people," Makoto groaned. "A thousand, at least. Far too many."

"It's not too often that I hear an idol complaining about having such a loving audience."

"I'm not complaining," she frowned. "Not about their love, at least. I just don't like this. It's always been my dream to sing to people, not to shake hands with them."

"We all must do things that displease us, sometimes. If you must know, even though shaking hands means nothing to you, it means a great deal to those who love you," Alice said. Davi sat by Makoto's side, nodding, and closed the door. "We can go now, Sebastian," she said to her butler on the front seat.

The traffic nearby clotted thickly, slowing them down, but once they left the vicinities of the mall, they found calm, empty streets. By Makoto's side, Davi had shifted back to her fairy form, and had fallen asleep, making a soft and droning snoring sound.

"What else do I have to do today?" Makoto turned to Alice. Though Davi was her manager, it was Alice who had made the arrangements for this tour.

"An interview at a local radio station," Alice said without even having to check or think. "And then a concert, at the stadium."

"A-A stadium?" Makoto knew that Alice enjoyed a great number of business contacts that opened almost all doors to them, but still, some of the venues she found were just unreasonably large.

"A small one," she said, as if that changed much, "though a stadium all the same. You do have a lot of fans, you know."

"Yeah," Makoto had nothing smarter to say. Everything was happening so fast: just one year ago she was known only in Oogai, and now her name was known all over Japan. Soon, Alice promised her, she'd sing overseas as well.

"Don't look so gloomy," Alice approached her, sitting so close to her that their legs and arms were touching. Makoto wondered if Alice did that on purpose, knowing that it made Makoto's heart pound. "I know it's tiring, but it's worth it. Your singing is truly marvellous, and it deserves to be heard by everyone."

"Do you truly think so?"

"But of course I do," she said gently. "You shouldn't doubt me, even though I will admit that I am biased. I am, after all, your greatest fan."

She was still smiling, but it looked different now. Makoto couldn't guess what that meant, but she liked it despite that, or perhaps because of that, so she smiled back, the way she would whenever Alice said something lovely like that.

Soon they were at their hotel, owned, as Makoto suspected, by the Yotsuba Enterprises. Sometimes it felt as if half of Japan actually belonged to Alice's family: she, predictably, always said it was an exaggeration, but, to Makoto, the doubt remained.

Inside the hotel the air was pleasantly cold, and all at once Makoto felt the isolated drops of sweat on her brow sluggishly fall down her skin like ice as the blistering heat turned into a soothing chill, and though of course she knew that it was merely an air conditioner, to Makoto it felt like autumn mornings in the Trump Kingdom. There were few feelings she loved more than the way the cool wind touched her skin. Here, it felt almost like she was back there again. She would call it a happy coincidence if she didn't know Alice owned this place; as she did, she wondered if Alice had not simply the set the air conditioners to be like this to make her feel more comfortable. It did seem like something Alice would do.

They ate lunch together, as they always would. The hotel's restaurant was a little bit crowded, almost noisy, but Alice had been able to arrange for them to eat far away from all the commotion, in a veranda all of their own. Davi always ate with Lance in their bedroom, leaving her partner with Alice. This too seemed deliberate, and just a few days ago, Davi asked Makoto if she enjoyed being alone with Alice. _I do_ , she had answered then. Who doesn't like being with a friend? Makoto hadn't understood the point of that question at first, but now she did, and the answer made her feel warm despite the cold that touched her face.

Their seats overlooked an avenue that was constantly busy yet not too loud. Makoto found her feet tapping against the wooden floor, and stopped only when Alice giggled at it. It was an adorable laugh, without a hint of mocking, but it reminded Makoto that Alice was looking at her, only at her, and it made her feel, if happy, more than a bit flustered. She tried to look down, to avoid her stare, but whenever she looked at Alice again, she had eyes that focused only on her, and soon enough Makoto's eyes, too, were drawn to Alice's.

"I have good news, Makoto," Alice said as they waited to be served. "Once you are done with this tour, you may sing overseas, in Europe. I have gotten an offer, you see, there's quite a bit of interest in having you there. You should discuss the specifics with Davi when you can, of course, but I think it's a wonderful opportunity."

"That's good to hear. Will you come with me, Alice?"

"W-Will I?" Her cheeks turned red at that, and she shifted on her chair, stuttering as she thanked the server who brought her food. She fidgeted on her chair, fingers anxiously twitching as they held delicate cutlery. Makoto gave her a few moments to speak, but she said nothing.

"Is something wrong, Alice? Did I say something-"

"No, nothing's wrong," she said, still looking down, still avoiding Makoto's gaze. "Well, it's just… Ah, how do I put it? I'm flustered. You didn't ask me where you'd be singing, or when, or who was so interested in you. The first thing you asked was if I'd be there with you, and… Well, it makes me very happy that you asked me that, that you were worried about that."

"I wouldn't want to be without you," Makoto said.

"Then I will go with you," she said, and gave Makoto a smile she had never shown before.

"Thank you," Makoto said, reaching out for Alice's small, delicate hand, holding it tenderly for a moment, until she remembered that they were supposed to be eating. She let go, all warm with embarrassment, but Alice didn't laugh at her.

They ate silently, and though Makoto could not dare to presume she knew what was going on in Alice's head, she knew that hers was all in disarray. She couldn't tell what to make of it, if what she had just done was actually smart, or if it was simply embarrassing. When she sang, she could pour out her heart into her words, but at other times, when she had to say her feelings out loud, normally, the words twisted inside her, painfully. She had known the pain of her locked words for a long time now, as even as a child she found it hard to express her feelings. It's not that they were complicated, difficult to understand. Quite the opposite, in fact: she loved Alice, that much was clear, the simplest fact in the world.

Just as simple was the fact that she still loved Marie Ange.

She dropped her fork and all her other thoughts when the memory of her lost princess filled her mind. Alice might have said something, but Makoto did not hear it. What she heard instead was what she thought was the voice of Marie Ange, but as she fixated on it, she realized that it was her own words that she heard, not her princess', whose voice was gone, just as she was.

Alice said something again, and again Makoto could not tell what it was. Instead she felt the wind, now cooler, coming from inside, and she remembered her autumns with her princess. _Let me accompany you,_ she had said once, when Ange meant to walk the lush forests of the Trump Kingdom. _Let me keep you safe,_ she had said, though there was nothing she needed to be kept safe from, and even if there had, Ange was more than capable of defending herself.

 _Alice can defend herself, too,_ she thought, though she could not explain why this had come to her mind. Her voice had grown louder, scared, but still Makoto did not respond. She felt the cold upon her face, again, but now the sticky cold of tears streaming down, hideous, stupid, shameful tears. She had not cried in so long. She had thought herself strong for months, for not shedding any tears, but now she knew that a mere thought could bring her to crumble.

"Makoto? Are you alright?" She heard, then, that voice familiar, the voice of her princess, bringing her back to sense, until slowly she could see again as the world unblurred before her eyes, and the voice became clearer, repeating itself, words curiously jolted, fearful, but as Makoto saw again, it was Alice that she looked upon, and it was Alice's voice that saved her from drowning, not Ange's. "Makoto, please!"

"Alice," she said, fraily. "I remembered her."

Alice simply nodded, then strained herself into a smile, but her eyes still fluttered, and her hand still shook. Her hand… It was grasping Makoto's own hand, firmly. Makoto held it, too, and as she did so, she could feel her breathing easing, and her thoughts cleared.

"Ange," Alice said. "Do you think of her often?"

"Of course," said Makoto. And she always would think of Ange, she had no doubt about that. She would never forget someone as important as her. "Usually I feel fine, but…"

"Clearly you don't feel fine now," Alice tried to make herself sound calm, but her voice was cracking. It made her whole body hurt to see one as composed as Alice break like this, and all because of her. Alice's eyes unnerved her. Makoto did not want to see her like this.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I don't want to worry you. I never do."

"I know that! But still… What was it that made you feel this way?"

The words came out a sad whimper, but Alice insisted, patient. She squeezed Makoto's hand, and when she felt her fingers, almost coiling, she realized that Alice's hand was warm, whereas Ange's had been cold. Something about that warmth returned her voice, if a bit wispy.

"I thought…" Alice's determined eyes quickly melted away her fear. Her words came easy, then. "I thought that I love you as I loved Marie Ange," when she said those words, Alice's eyes watered slightly, like stirring water, and she opened her mouth as if to say something, but otherwise she did not appear at all surprised. "It made me feel afraid that I was forgetting Ange. I still love her, you know. And I know that she could never love me in return, yes, but I can't forget her. I can't, Alice, even though I want to. Because I can't love until I forget her. And… And I want that, too!"

"Is that how you feel towards me?" Alice asked. "I hoped so, for long, but did not want to intrude upon your feelings, or perhaps open a wound that has not yet scarred."

"I don't want you to worry about that," she said, and drew Alice closer. "Which is why I'm afraid. I can't love you and a ghost at the same time. It would not be fair to you, nor honest, and I don't want you to worry about my heart. I do care about you dearly, Alice, and don't want you to think that I don't love you as much as Ange."

"Ah, Makoto," she said, leaning right in front of Makoto, touching her forehead against Makoto's, "I would not think that. I trust your feelings. If you do not want there to be anything between us, then I'll wait, if you think that time will heal you."

"Time…" she laughed. "A lot of time has passed. Maybe not enough. Maybe I'm being hasty. But still… I'm not sure if it's time which I need."

"What is it that you need, then?"

Makoto had not expected Alice to ask that, and so had no answer for her. She thought of Ange again, but now it was not only her voice that she could not recall, but her face. She dreamt of Ange veiled in light, her face hidden from her, her smile obscure. All she remembered was the feeling of walking by her side, taking her by the hand, promising to protect her. She remembered how Ange showed no fear when next to her, how easeful her every movement was, from the swirling of her skirt as she took a playful step to the side, to the way her fingers ran along Makoto's hair, softly, slowly.

 _What I need is that feeling again._

"I need… I need someone who will feel safe with me. Who will trust me the way Ange trusted me. She was my princess, and I was her knight, and things were perfect that way."

"Is that it?" Alice asked, and Makoto nodded. "Can I be a princess for you?"

"A-Alice?"

"I really want to," she said, all trace of serenity gone. She was almost pleading, now. "Because I feel safe with you. Safe, warm, happy… Yes, all of these things, you bring them all to me."

Again, Makoto could not answer. She wanted only to feel Alice close to her, if only for a while, until her heart was whole again. As she waited for the words to come back to her, she pulled her chair backwards, putting space between her and Alice, and began to eat her lunch. Alice did the same, but from time to time she would look at Makoto, silently pleading for her to speak up.

Makoto could barely taste her eggs, nor did she want to. She nearly choked as she swallowed, but the more she thought of Alice, the more certainty she felt.

"Alice," she rose her voice when he was finally done. She spoke in little more than whispers, but Alice seemed to hear her perfectly. "I do want you. The way I feel when I'm with you, well…"

"It's like you felt with Ange?" She asked, but Makoto shook her head.

"No," she said. "It's better. Because I know that you can love me. And because I always thought that perhaps you do. I always had that hope, and always prayed that I wasn't simply seeing things."

"Well, I do love you," said Alice, "so you are right about that. I was a bit surprised to hear you admit it, but I too had cultivated the hope for a while now. When did you notice?"

"When you started insisting that we sleep in the same bedroom."

"Ah."

Makoto felt her voice again, and it came out in a reckless guffaw. She felt so stupid for having worried so much, but at the same time, she was glad she had let Alice know about her feelings.

"I'm still not over Ange," said Makoto. "I still love her. I don't know how you feel about that-"

"I don't mind," said Alice. "Because you love me as well, don't you?" Makoto nodded.

"It was a childish love that I felt for Ange, but one that burned for so long that it will not extinguish easily. I don't want you to think that you are a mere replacement for her, a-"

"I don't think that," Alice said. "I understand your feelings, and your hardship. If it will take time until you are no longer being haunted, then I will wait, but I will wait only by your side. As your princess."

"Thank you," she said. "Thank you, truly. Thank you for understanding. And for helping me understand."

"I have to thank you, too," she said. Makoto realized that she was not crying anymore, nor shaking. Calm had befallen them again, the calm that always made Makoto seek Alice when she wanted a friend. "For loving me back. For wanting to be with me, for wanting to be my knight. It means so much to me, Makoto."

Alice approached her again, and this time Makoto's arms were open. She wrapped them arms around Alice, keeping her close and warm, and safe. Safe from what? Makoto didn't know, but a knight's instincts were hard to leave behind.

"So," Alice said after a wonderfully long pause, "will you still do your appointments for today, or would you like to rest, if you are still shaken? I can make the calls, they'll understand, and-"

"I'm fine," said Makoto, and when Alice seemed about to ask something, she continued, "I am, truly. I will go do that interview. I mean, after what we talked about just now, I really don't have to worry about indiscreet questions, now do I?"

"Anyone who asks you something indiscreet will have to explain themselves to me," it was hard to tell if she was being serious when she said that, and it made Makoto's cheeks redden.

"I thought I was the one who was supposed to keep you safe, not the other way around!"

"Well, maybe I want to protect _you,_ too. I don't suppose you can tell me not to," she smiled, then, and put a finger on Makoto's chin, forcing her to look up at her, "given that I am your princess."

"A harsh but fair rule," said Makoto. She got up, and bowed exaggeratedly, drawing gentle laughter from Alice. It was a beautiful sound, Makoto thought. Almost a song. "Any orders for me, then, my princess?"

"Oh, nothing that would go against your moral code," Alice rose as well, her meal finished. "So no worries on that account."

Tenderly, Makoto took her by the hand. Whereas Marie Ange would have let Makoto guide her, when she held Alice, their fingers entwined, warm and tender. Makoto's heart could still know fear and doubt, but as she looked at the girl by her side, as they walked away, a breeze blowing softly on their faces, she felt peaceful, resolute, knowing she finally had something she wished to protect again.


End file.
